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My Son Is Attached to His Nanny

Questioner

L (25_female_Canada)

Reply Date

Jul 17, 2017

Question

My son is very attached to his nanny. She has been with us for three weeks and my baby is three months old. He is so attached to her that when I get home and I try to play with him or talk to him, he looks at me so serious, but as soon as she talks or smiles to him, he starts smiling and laughing. She lives with us, that means he sees her 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. She doesn't want to go out by herself because she is new in the country and she is afraid. That means I can't be alone with my baby.Even though I told her that I will take care of the baby when I am not working, she still wants to be around him all the time and have his attention. I am so jealous but I don't want to let her go because she loves him and takes care of him very well, she is a family friend and she can stay home all the time. Please give me advice because I don't want to lose my baby's love for me. I cried so much last night because he totally ignored me when I got home and ran to get him and kiss him. He practically ignored me the whole night. Please give me advice.

Counselor

Answer


Son

As-salamu `alaykum sister,

It is disappointing for a mother to see her baby attached to someone else. At the same time, if you have to leave your baby with someone, the best thing you pray for is a person who loves your baby and whom your baby loves. Many people will envy you for having such a rare arrangement, one that gives you the peace of mind you get when you leave your baby with someone you trust.

Try to look at the positive side of the situation, which is common when babies spend more time with their nannies than with their biological mothers.

To build an attachment with your baby, try to send your nanny to visit a friend of yours or a relative one weekend, and spend this time with your baby by yourself, feeding him and playing with him. In the beginning, this might be hard for both you and your baby, but this is the only way to build this attachment that you miss.

Another suggestion is to ask your nanny to cook the meal for you after you come home. While she is busy in the kitchen, you can spend quality time by yourself with your baby. If she does not cook, she can watch television or listen to the radio in another room. Tell her that you want to give her a break. She will probably appreciate your offer. Never show her that you are jealous of her because your baby is more attached to her.

Don’t forget that this nanny is a blessing from Allah. Try to overcome these negative feeling by reading Qur’an and remembering Allah.

May Allah guide us all.


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