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How to Deal with My Teen Daughter’s Mood Swings

Questioner

M (39_female_US)

Reply Date

Aug 05, 2018

Question

As-salamu `aliakum, I have a girl she is now 14-year-old, and I really have a difficult time managing her temper and her ups and downs. One day she is active, the other she is so lazy. She does not allow us to give her any advice anymore. Is this normal when a kid becomes a teenager? How can I manage?

Counselor

Answer


Teen daughter

In this counseling answer:

“Teens are known to feel that they know everything and then al hamdu lillah, life experience teaches them that they really do not know everything. Break the cycle of how you communicate with your teen. Take a refreshing approach and ask her about her feelings and if she knows what she did wrong for example.”


As-salamu `Alaikum, 

Thank you for your question. Actually, you have a fairly normal teenager, but that does not mean you should not watch out for signals that your teenager needs professional help. While temper tantrums are normal to some degree, it should be monitored to detect if the teenager actually has an anger management problem.

•What makes her angry?

•Is it anything concrete or do you have trouble pinpointing why she is angry?

•Ask her, is she able to tell you why she is angry?

•How long does she stay angry?

•Does she act out?

•Become violent?

Keep track of these issues to make sure you get her help if in fact she is having anger management issues.

As for the being lazy one day and active the next, this can again be something normal because of the physical and hormonal changes teenagers are going through. They do tend to need a lot of sleep in the adolescent years to facilitate their growth. However, we again suggest that you monitor her activity patterns and consult a counselor if there is cause for concern, i.e. your daughter’s outlook on life is being affected.

Finally, teens are known to feel that they know everything and then al hamdu lillah, life experience teaches them that they really do not know everything. Break the cycle of how you communicate with your teen. Take a refreshing approach and ask her about her feelings and if she knows what she did wrong for example.

Sometimes the teens want to just talk to you and share something without getting any advice. So pay attention to each situation insha’Allah and exercise judgment in listening more and speaking less. Of course, as a parent, you should always advise your teen, but choosing the right time and the right thing to say requires having a very strong relationship with one’s teens!


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Read more:

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