Discipline = Love + Firmness | About Islam
Home > Ask About Parenting > Child Development > Discipline = Love + Firmness

Discipline = Love + Firmness

Questioner

N (30-female-US)

Reply Date

Oct 10, 2017

Question

As-salamu `alaykum.How can we balance between loving our kids and disciplining them? What are the best discipline strategies in the West?

Counselor

Answer


discipline

In this counseling answer:

“In order to exercise love, you have to be able to show your passion, your kindness, your whole-hearted emotions, but at the same time, you have to be able to set rules for the family. Be firm in setting these rules. At the same time, be understanding to their needs and their nature as children.”


As-salamu `alaykum. 

This is not an easy question. However, there are some concepts, when performed in an appropriate and balanced way, which will give you a satisfactory net result of the following hard equation:

Discipline = Love + Firmness

In order to exercise love, you have to be able to show your passion, your kindness, your whole-hearted emotions, but at the same time, you have to be able to set rules for the family. Be firm in setting these rules. At the same time, be understanding to their needs and their nature as children. For example, kids like to play around, have fun, explore everything, but there are limits and rules to that, such as when to play, where to play, and how long to play.

  • Try always to tell your kids in advance what is expected of them
  • Tell them that you do not mind when they have fun and play, but they have to tidy their room afterwards this way, they will learn from a very early stage how to balance between their rights and their obligations.
  • Be understanding if they are unable to follow the rules all the time; this is just natural and human
  • Be there to remind them in a firm but loving voice
  • Leave space for them to do things wrong, to make mistakes, and so learn from their own experiences, but always be supportive, and with loving words explain what went wrong and why

You cannot imagine how much kids understand, even at an early age.

Remember, Discipline = Love + Firmness


Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information that was provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, it’s volunteers, writers, scholars, counselors, or employees be held liable for any direct, indirect, exemplary, punitive, consequential or other damages whatsoever that may arise through your decision or action in the use of the services which our website provides. 

Read more:

Screen Time & Meals: My Biggest Challenges with My 3-Year-Old

My Granddaughter Hits me, How Should I Handle It?




About Mona Younes

Mona Younes has an extensive background as teacher and supervisor in both English Language and Arabic Language schools, before which she obtained her B.Ed at the American University in Cairo, Egypt.Mona attended and participated actively in a long list of conferences and seminars dealing with Family and Parental Issues. Currently, Mona Younes is doing her Masters on Online Education at the Southern Queensland University, Australia.

Add Comment


find out more!