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My Children Are Bathing Together, Is It OK?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jun 13, 2018

Question

My son is 18 months and my daughter is 3 and they still have a bath together, they both enjoy playing together so for the time being they share a bath they're having too much fun with bubbles and toys, is it ok? And at what age should they stop bathing together?

Counselor

Answer


In this counseling answer:

“The counselor advises the questioner that At this age of her kids, there is no harm in them playing together in the tub. She may find that her daughter will become curious about her little brother’s private parts as well as her own. This is normal and if she does not make a big deal out of it and just tell her that Allah made boys and girls different it should suffice. But if she concerned she can separate them slowly at first, maybe give her son a bath, then her daughter, then the next day bathe them together and keep switching up until they are bathing separately most of the time.”


As salamu alaykum,

Thank you for writing to us. I remember my children at those ages playing in the tub with bubbles and toys and these are indeed good memories!  These are times when siblings bond and have much fun.  At this age, there is no harm in them playing together in the tub. While your 3 years old may notice her sibling looks different,  it may not be an issue unless she wants to touch his private parts or becomes overly inquisitive to the point wherein it is a distraction at bath time. As long as they are having fun and are not preoccupied with private parts there is no harm.

While I am not an Islamic scholar I can only advise you based on my own experiences as a mom as well as other parent’s experiences.  As children develop at different rates within developmental stages, you may soon find that your daughter will become curious about her little brother’s private parts as well as her own.  This is normal sister and if you do not make a big deal out of it and just tell her that Allah made boys and girls different it should suffice.


Check out this counseling answer


Don’t make her feel bad or guilty for being curious, but when she does begin to get curious you may want to ask her if she would like privacy when she baths as she is becoming a “big girl”.   If she doesn’t want separate baths, you can start the separation process anyhow in increments.

I would kindly suggest separating them slowly at first, maybe give your son a bath, then her, then the next day bathe them together and keep switching up until they are bathing separately most of the time.  I suggest this method only because their bathing is a fun time and is innocent to them. Suddenly separating them may cause some confusion and resistance, especially from your daughter as they are used to their fun bath times together.

Additionally, her little brother may also miss their playtime and wonder where his sister is. Therefore by slowing changing from bathing together to bathing separately, you will decrease the feelings of their missing each other by getting them used to bathe alone first without totally taking away their together fun time until they have transitioned separately.

Sister,  I do not feel you have to worry about this right now however when natural curiosity and direct physical play involving private parts occurs (if it does) then it will be time to start separating bath time. For now, enjoy their bath time with them as these are cherishing moments!

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About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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