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Can My 7-Year-Old Daughter Sleep with her Father?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Oct 07, 2018

Question

Assalamu'alaikum. I want to know if my 7 years old daughter can sleep with her father at night or not?

Counselor

Answer


Can My 7-Year-Old Daughter Sleep with her Father?

In this counseling answer:

•Speak with your daughter to see how she feels about sleeping with her dad. If it is a situation wherein it is just your daughter and her dad-and you sleep in a separate room I would have to ask why and kindly ask you to investigate the situation from all angles.

•You may want to take this opportunity to discuss at an age-appropriate level her growth as a young lady and some of the changes she may soon be going through. You may also want to ask her how she feels about sleeping with her dad.


As salamu alaykum sister,

Thank you for writing in with your question. This is a question that a lot of parents have -when is a child to old to sleep with parents. However, you stated: “if your daughter can sleep with her father”. Psychology Today (1) discusses children sleeping with parents stating ‘Co-sleeping may have seemed like a good idea at one point, but over time it’s anything but restful and, in fact, it creates additional stress for the entire family.

Recent studies indicate that near epidemic proportion of children are co-sleeping with parents today. According to Parenting’s Mom Connection, a surprising 45% of moms let their 8- to 12-year-olds sleep with them from time to time, and 13% permit it every night”. Often, children sleeping with a parent can be a common and normal practice for many families, especially in some cultures. It can provide bonding and a sense of security for children as they grow. However it some cases it can also cause children to be less self-reliant.

Examining Factors

As your daughter is now seven, she may want to sleep in her own bed and have privacy. She is also almost entering the age of pre-puberty wherein she will be getting her menses. I would kindly suggest dear sister that you speak with your daughter to see how she feels about sleeping with her dad. If it is a situation wherein it is just your daughter and her dad-and you sleep in a separate room I would have to ask why and kindly ask you to investigate the situation from all angles.


Check out this counseling video


You may want to look at the following questions insha’Allah: Has your daughter been sleeping with you and your husband since birth? Does your daughter currently sleep with her dad? What is your and your husband relationship, are you close? Are there any other children whom sleep with their dad? Is your home small and lacks space for sleeping quarters? Do you feel comfortable with your daughter sleeping with her dad? What are your husbands viewpoints on this?

Talking to your daughter

Sister, often times it is completely normal for children to sleep with a parent or parents. Your daughter and your husband may already be used to this, however, when a child becomes a certain age as stated, they begin to feel awkward in certain situations. I would kindly suggest dear sister that you speak with your daughter alone. Please, ask her how she would feel sleeping in her own room as she is becoming a big girl.

You may want to take this opportunity to discuss at an age-appropriate level her growth as a young lady and some of the changes she may soon be going through. You may also want to ask her how she feels about sleeping with her dad. If she is used to sleeping with you and your husband perhaps now is the time you can slowly introduce her to her own bed over time by having her sleep in her own room once a week, building up to seven.

Please do talk with her sister to assess her comfort level with the above questions in mind and make your decision from there. We wish you the best.

1-https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/savvy-parenting/201403/the-impact-chronic-co-sleeping-older-child

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

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What to Do If Your Toddler Doesn’t Sleep Well




About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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