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My 9-Year-Old Daughter is Asking about Sex!

09 February, 2022
Q As-salamu Alaikum counselor, I need your advice. My 9-year-old daughter has been asking me about sex lately, at first I told her it's a grown thing and I explain when you get older, but I've since found out that she knows more than I think. I would like to explain it to her without telling her too much as she is only 9, and I don't want her to go looking for the information any where else.How do I go about this? HELP!!

Answer

In this counseling answer:

•Tell her you noticed how grown she has become lately and that with growing comes changes.

•Explain to her what to expect regarding puberty both physically and emotionally.

•Share what you went through and how you felt at her age.

•Ask her what she has heard about menstruation, babies, and sex. When she responds, make her feel as comfortable as possible by not getting upset if you hear something that displeases you.


As-salamu alaykum,

Thank you for writing to us for your question. It is a common concern most parents dread!

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However, insha’Allah things will go smoothly for both you and your daughter regarding this topic. First, your daughter already knows more than you thought.

This is common. Children talk among themselves, search out answers to their questions and often shock parents with what they do know! This dear sister, you cannot prevent.

However, insha’Allah, you can be the source for her answers concerning her curiosity.

My 9-Year-Old Daughter is Asking about Sex! - About Islam

•Take her out for lunch or go somewhere calm and comfortable. Tell her you noticed how grown she has become lately and that with growing comes changes.

•Explain to her what to expect regarding puberty both physically and emotionally. Share what you went through and how you felt at her age.

•Ask her what she has heard about menstruation, babies and sex. When she responds, make her feel as comfortable as possible by not getting upset if you hear something that displeases you.

•Gently correct any false information she may have learned, and replace it with the truth. If she asks you questions you feel she is too young to ask, remember-she asked you so she needs to know as it is obviously on her mind. If you refuse to answer or tell her she’s too young, she will just seek the answers elsewhere.

Conclusion

Sister, this is hard for many parents, but you and your daughter are about to embark upon a new phase in her life, insha’Allah, together.

Your goal is to make her feel she can come to you with any question or concern she has, assured you will give her a loving, truthful response and not make her feel insignificant in her curiosity.

It is often difficult for parents to begin to let go of the little girl they once cuddled and read bedtime stories to, and embrace a budding young lady. But somehow, as mom’s, we do get through it!

And Allah knows best.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.