My 9-Year-Old Daughter is Asking about Sex! | About Islam
Home > Ask About Parenting > Child Development > My 9-Year-Old Daughter is Asking about Sex!

My 9-Year-Old Daughter is Asking about Sex!

Questioner

H

Reply Date

Jun 22, 2018

Question

As-salamu Alaikum counselor, I need your advice. My 9 year old daughter has been asking me about sex lately, at first I told her it's a grown thing and I explain when you get older, but I've since found out that she knows more than I think.I would like to explain it to her without telling her too much as she is only 9, and I don't want her to go looking for the information any where else.How do I go about this? HELP!!

Counselor

Answer


sex

In this counseling answer:

“Tell her you noticed how grown she has become lately and that with growing comes changes. Explain to her what to expect regarding puberty both physically and emotionally. Share what you went through and how you felt at her age. Ask her what she has heard about menstruation, babies and sex. When she responds, make her feel as comfortable as possible by not getting upset if you hear something that displeases you.”


As-salamu alaykum,

Thank you for writing to us for your question. It is a common concern most parents dread!

However, insha’Allah things will go smoothly for both you and your daughter regarding this topic. First, your daughter already knows more than you thought. This is common. Children talk among themselves, search out answers to their questions and often shock parents with what they do know! This dear sister, you cannot prevent.

However, insha’Allah, you can be the source for her answers concerning her curiosity. Take her out for lunch or go somewhere calm and comfortable. Tell her you noticed how grown she has become lately and that with growing comes changes. Explain to her what to expect regarding puberty both physically and emotionally. Share what you went through and how you felt at her age. Ask her what she has heard about menstruation, babies and sex. When she responds, make her feel as comfortable as possible by not getting upset if you hear something that displeases you.


Check out this counseling answer:


Gently correct any false information she may have learned, and replace it with the truth. If she asks you questions you feel she is too young to ask, remember-she asked you so she needs to know as it is obviously on her mind. If you refuse to answer or tell her she’s too young, she will just seek the answers elsewhere.

Sister, this is hard for many parents, but you and your daughter are about to embark upon a new phase in her life, insha’Allah, together. Your goal is to make her feel she can come to you with any question or concern she has, assured you will give her a loving, truthful response and not make her feel insignificant in her curiosity.

It is often difficult for parents to begin to let go of the little girl they once cuddled and read bedtime stories to, and embrace a budding young lady. But somehow, as mom’s, we do get through it!

And Allah knows best.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:




About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

find out more!