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Do I have to Tell My Future Husband About My Sinful Past?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Aug 02, 2017

Question

Assalaam Alaikum, I am a twenty two year old Muslim woman who has had a bad past. I grew up in a Muslim family but I guess somewhere along the way, I lost the truth I was raised in. I drank, smoked, and lied. I am now so very very ashamed of my past. I repent constantly. I am so paranoid about people finding out about my past that it keeps me up at night. I cry and ask Allah, the most merciful for forgiveness a lot. I read somewhere else that if Allah has truly forgiven me that it is like I never committed the sin. I wish I could stop letting it get to me. I know that I never want to do any of those things again. I am of course not perfect and still sin but I turned my back on that bad life and the people that came with it. I want to ask about some ways I can allow myself to let it go. I used to rebel against my family but since I've been praying and staying home and discussing Islam with them, my family has been the happiest I've ever seen it. I am so very ashamed of the things I've done. And even though I may be forgiven by Allah, I am scared people will find out about my bad past and judge me. I truly repent for these things I've done and I am trying my very best to stay on the good road. But I cannot stop thinking about it over and over and wishing they never happened. Should I hide these sins? What if I am asked? Do I need to tell the truth? Do I have a clean slate now? What if I get married? Do I have an obligation to tell my husband? I am sorry if I ranted a bit. I am just very worried.

Consultant

Answer


future husband sins

Salam Dear Sister,

Thank you for your questions and for contacting Ask About Islam.

There are several issues in your question, which can be grouped into your relationship with God, your relationship with others, and future relationships.

Relationship with Allah

In the Quran, Allah mentioned the people He loves most, and among them are those who repent:

Truly, Allah loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves. [Quran, 2:222]

You mention in your question that you “feel ashamed”, and that you “ask Allah, the most merciful for forgiveness a lot”, and that you “never want to do any of those things again.”

In these statements, you have summarized the three main conditions for tawbah, i.e. repentance, so you are on the right track in mending your relation with Allah, and to take it one step forward do your best to increase in good deeds as Allah (SWT) says in the Quran:

And establish prayer at the two ends of the day and at the approach of the night. Indeed, good deeds do away with misdeeds. That is a reminder for those who remember. (Quran 11:114)

Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

One who has repented of a sin is like one who has never sinned at all!

Relationship with Others

Concerning your relationships with other people, you mention that you are worried about people finding out about your past. However, try not to worry too much, and ask God to protect you from these worries.

You mention that you have turned your back on the people you mixed with during that era, and that’s the best thing to do. Try to make new good friends who encourage you to follow God’s guidance and this will help you gradually forget the past.

It’s very nice also that your family supports you and are happy with the positive changes you have made in your life, so that’s another blessing.

You ask whether you should hide these sins, and the clear answer is YES. Allah, by His Mercy, has protected you and covered your sins, and you should keep to that cover and never reveal it, neither to your family nor to anyone else.

Relationship with Future Husband, InshaAllah

As for the future, you ask about whether you should tell your future husband when you get married, inshaAllah, and the clear answer again is NO, you shouldn’t.

The sins you committed before are between you and Allah, and it is He who forgives, and it is He who covers your sins, so don’t get anyone involved in your relationship with your Creator.

Since Allah has covered a person’s sins, it is not anyone’s business to seek to lift Allah’s cover of confidentiality. Thus, it is unbecoming of anyone to probe into someone’s sinful past. Any future spouse has no right or responsibility to know this private information.

I hope this helps answer your questions.

Salam and please keep in touch.


This is from AboutIslam’s archives and was originally published in July 2016

Satisfy your curiosity and check out these other helpful links:

I Love Him, but Can’t Reveal My Past

 

She Has a Sinful Past; Shall I Marry Her?

 

Disclosing One’s Past to a Prospective Spouse: Necessary?

 

A New Convert: Shall I Expose My Past to My Spouse?

 




About Maen Khalifa

Maen has many years of experience in dawah work. He formerly worked as the Ask About Islam Editor and a consultant.

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