Salam Dear Sister,
Thank you for your questions and for contacting Ask About Islam.
There are several issues in your question, which can be grouped into your relationship with God, your relationship with others, and future relationships.
Relationship with Allah
In the Quran, Allah mentioned the people He loves most, and among them are those who repent:
Truly, Allah loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves. [Quran, 2:222]
You mention in your question that you “feel ashamed”, and that you “ask Allah, the most merciful for forgiveness a lot”, and that you “never want to do any of those things again.”
In these statements, you have summarized the three main conditions for tawbah, i.e. repentance, so you are on the right track in mending your relation with Allah, and to take it one step forward do your best to increase in good deeds as Allah (SWT) says in the Quran:
And establish prayer at the two ends of the day and at the approach of the night. Indeed, good deeds do away with misdeeds. That is a reminder for those who remember. (Quran 11:114)
Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
One who has repented of a sin is like one who has never sinned at all!
Relationship with Others
Concerning your relationships with other people, you mention that you are worried about people finding out about your past. However, try not to worry too much, and ask God to protect you from these worries.
You mention that you have turned your back on the people you mixed with during that era, and that’s the best thing to do. Try to make new good friends who encourage you to follow God’s guidance and this will help you gradually forget the past.
It’s very nice also that your family supports you and are happy with the positive changes you have made in your life, so that’s another blessing.
You ask whether you should hide these sins, and the clear answer is YES. Allah, by His Mercy, has protected you and covered your sins, and you should keep to that cover and never reveal it, neither to your family nor to anyone else.
Relationship with Future Husband, InshaAllah
As for the future, you ask about whether you should tell your future husband when you get married, inshaAllah, and the clear answer again is NO, you shouldn’t.
The sins you committed before are between you and Allah, and it is He who forgives, and it is He who covers your sins, so don’t get anyone involved in your relationship with your Creator.
Since Allah has covered a person’s sins, it is not anyone’s business to seek to lift Allah’s cover of confidentiality. Thus, it is unbecoming of anyone to probe into someone’s sinful past. Any future spouse has no right or responsibility to know this private information.
I hope this helps answer your questions.
Salam and please keep in touch.
This is from AboutIslam’s archives and was originally published in July 2016
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