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Is This a Situation of Impossible Love?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jan 17, 2018

Question

Is there a way for a non-muslim, white, European guy, to convince American-Pakistani parents to let the guy marry their wonderful daughter.

Consultant

Answer


Short Answer: Try to approach this woman’s father in a respectful manner, asking him what it is that Islam teaches about God and the prophets and what faith itself is.

______________________________________

Salam (Peace),

Thank you for sending us your question.

When we are talking about love, this can mean many things to many people. Ask yourself what does love mean to you?

From an Islamic perspective, love is something that will bring you closer to God, the Creator and Owner of love.

Then ask yourself, why do you love this Muslim woman?

If it is only her looks that bring about amorous feelings, then you may not be experiencing love, but lust.

There is nothing wrong with finding someone attractive. But love should be based on more than just the physical.

If you can say that your love goes deeper than the physical, it might be that you love the manners or character or personality that she conducts herself with.

Perhaps you love that she is strong and confident and gives all people dignity and respect.

Perhaps you love that she is wise or laid back or both.

Or maybe it is because she has concern for those who have less than her.

All of these things are taught to us in Islam.

Perhaps what you love about her is a manifestation of her faith, her Islam?

Learn About Islam

What I recommend is that you find out. Learn about Islam.

Why I recommend this is because you might find that what you are loving is much bigger than just one person.

Try to approach this woman’s father in a respectful manner, asking him what it is that Islam teaches about God and the prophets and what faith itself is.

Ask him to attend the mosque with him and talk to other Muslims.

Ask him to share his faith (and hers) with you. 

If what you love about this girl is Islam, then you may consider coming to Islam yourself.

If you find that you do not agree with the basic tenets of faith in Islam, then you have to think about how you can have a successful and compatible marriage with someone who believes in something you can’t agree with.

Islam is more than a belief. It is a way of life. It is a goal (seeking nearness to God).

With this in mind, you will need to think about how you will share responsibilities, a home, and raise children with someone you do not share a way of life and goals with.

This can be very difficult. Marriage is work even for people who do share a way of life and goals.

Being from different ethnicity and cultures, Islamically speaking, have no bearing on whether people are suited for each other.

Diversity is encouraged in Islam. However, Islam dictates that Muslim women cannot marry from outside of the faith.

There are many reasons for this, mostly because of the above-mentioned issues. Dr. Ally addressed this in the video at the link here.

However, if you find that Islam makes sense to you and you decide to convert, please understand that a testament of faith that makes one Muslim must be said with complete sincerity and without ulterior motives.

If you become a Muslim, sincerely, I recommend that you take time to learn the faith. Then you will have a better insight into this woman’s family, their way of life, and belief. And you can decide if you wish to be a part of it.

If you decide you do truly love this woman and want to share your life with her, you will already have a relationship with her father in order to approach the issue of marriage.

I hope this helps. All the best. 

Salam. 

Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links:

A Basic Introduction to Islam (Special Folder)

Common Misconceptions About Islam (Folder)

Why Can’t a Muslim Woman Marry a Non-Muslim Man?




About Theresa Corbin

Theresa Corbin is the author of The Islamic, Adult Coloring Book and co-author of The New Muslim’s Field Guide. Corbin is a French-creole American and Muslimah who converted in 2001. She holds a BA in English Lit and is a writer, editor, and graphic artist who focuses on themes of conversion to Islam, Islamophobia, women's issues, and bridging gaps between peoples of different faiths and cultures. She is a regular contributor for AboutIslam.net and Al Jumuah magazine. Her work has also been featured on CNN and Washington Post, among other publications. Visit her blog, islamwich, where she discusses the intersection of culture and religion.

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