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How to Convert Christian Fiancee to Islam?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

May 17, 2018

Question

Assalamu alykom. I have a fiancee who is Christian and I'm a Muslim girl. I told him he should convert to Islam to marry me and he said he will do that for me but as I can see he believes in the Christian religion so much and he has a bad picture about Islam in his mind... This makes the matter so difficult and so much worse!! We love each other so much and I really cannot l leave him... I talked with him lately and he said that he will just be a fake Muslim for me, but it should not be as he is really a nice person. But 😢 I want him a real Muslim. How can I convince him of Islam? What should I do?

Consultant

Answer


Convert Christian

Short Answer:  We cannot force anyone to accept faith. It is Allah only who guides those seeking guidance, and there is a possibility that he may never convert to Islam. On the practical side there are several issues to consider, including your marriage contract and the well-being of your future children.

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Walaikum Assalam Sister,

Thank you for contacting and putting your trust in us here at Ask About Islam.

You asked how to convince your fiancee to become a Muslim.

The answer is that it is not within anyone’s power to convert people or convince them to become Muslim.

Firstly, we cannot force anyone to accept faith.

Allah tells us:

{There is no compulsion in religion. Verily, the Right Path has become distinct from the wrong path […]} (Quran 2:256)

Secondly, even the Prophet (peace be upon him) could not convince people to believe.

Even the Prophet’s uncle—a good man who helped the cause of Islam by protecting the Messenger—did not bear witness to Islam.

This is because it is Allah (SWT) who guides, not us:

{Verily, you (O Muhammad) guide not whom you like} (Quran 28:56)

and

{So whoever Allah wants to guide – He expands his breast to [contain] Islam […]} (Quran 6:125)

As you say, your fiancee has claimed that he will fake being Muslim for you in order to marry you. This is a very serious matter.

The munafiq (hypocrites) during the Messenger’s life also faked being Muslim to gain some worldly benefits.

However, it is very likely that your fiancee does not understand the seriousness of this matter and speaks out of ignorance and rashness. But it does raise the question about his integrity.

Nevertheless, everyone’s path is different. We never know who Allah (SWT) will guide.

What if He Never Converts?

I myself converted after saying explicitly, out of ignorance, that I would never be Muslim.

I was wrong, of course, and I am so thankful to have been wrong and to now have guidance, Alhamdulillah.

Even though you can’t guide him, only Allah can do that, you need to make sure he understands Islam clearly.

It may be that you don’t understand where he is coming from in his own faith tradition. It can be hard to invite people to a faith when you first don’t understand their perspective.

So, you should seek out a male convert from Christianity to speak with him, to give dawah to him, taking into account his perspective.

Maybe ask your local iman if he knows of anyone of this description who would be willing to speak with your fiancee.

But what if he never converts?

This is something you have to take very seriously.

Many people are confused as to why in Islam a Muslim woman is not allowed to marry a non-Muslim man.

The answer is about protecting the rights a Muslim woman has in Islam.

Ask yourself: will he give you your mahr?

Will he be willing to sign a marriage contract with your stipulations and abide by them?

Do you have a guarantee that he will support you and let you keep your own money?

Will he strive in your marriage to emulate the tenderness that the Prophet (peace be upon him) showed his wives?

Will he heed the tradition – the best of you are those who are best to their wives? (Tirmidhi, Sahih)

These are some of the rights that are due to you as Muslim wife. But there is no guarantee that a non-Muslim man will give you these Islamic rights.

Future Children

If you have no protection of Islamic law, you are putting yourself in a very vulnerable position.

Think about your future. Do you wish to have children?

Have you thought about the well-being of your future children?

There is no guarantee that a non-Muslim man will give his children their rights in Islam- the right to be provided for, to be educated, to be taught the deen, to be treated with tenderness and have time with their father.

These rights are essential when raising healthy, well-adjusted, future generations of the ummah.

I am not saying that this man will be a deadbeat and shirk his responsibilities as a father and husband. He may, he may not.

But I am saying that you have no recourse within your Islamic community for you or your children to be granted these rights if, at some point, your betrothed decides he does not wish to give them freely.

Not only are you not guaranteed your Islamic rights nor are your future children, you are running the risk of your husband insisting that you raise your children as non-Muslims.

You have to think about your future and your future children.

Marriage & Emotional Attachment

I think it would be useful if you took some time to really examine why you have an emotional attachment to this person.

Is it out of a feeling being empty or a false attachment?

If you are honest with yourself and come to this conclusion, you need to know that these emotions are short-lived and unstable.

Real Love

Please watch this short video by Yasim Mogahed about false attachment and real love.

She has many talks like this one about exactly what you are going through. I also highly recommend her book, Reclaim Your Heart. It is life changing.

A marriage has to be built on something stronger, more lasting than obsessive “love” or a passionate attachment. And nothing is more lasting than Allah (SWT).

For a marriage to have a chance, there should be a common goal. And no goal is greater than seeking Jannah with your spouse. You should want that for yourself because you are worth it.

I recommend that you make duaa to Allah (SWT) to guide this man to become a righteous servant of His.

Make duaa that Allah only puts love in your heart for the things that will bring you closer to Allah.

Remember that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said,

“You will never leave something for the sake of Allah, but Allah will give you something better in return.” (Ahmed)

You will never be disappointed when you trust in God.

I sincerely hope you take this advice, that you protect yourself, and that you seek Allah’s (SWT) protection and love over all others’.

There is no greater love than the love of the Creator of love.

There is no deeper love between spouses than love that is blessed by the Creator of love.

I will make duaa that Allah (SWT) gives you all of that and more.

I hope this helps.

Please keep in touch.

Salam.

Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links:

I Love a Christian Man: Can I Marry Him?

Why Can’t a Muslim Woman Marry a Non-Muslim?

Top 10 Secrets For a Happy Marriage (Folder)

 




About Theresa Corbin

Theresa Corbin is the author of The Islamic, Adult Coloring Book and co-author of The New Muslim’s Field Guide. Corbin is a French-creole American and Muslimah who converted in 2001. She holds a BA in English Lit and is a writer, editor, and graphic artist who focuses on themes of conversion to Islam, Islamophobia, women's issues, and bridging gaps between peoples of different faiths and cultures. She is a regular contributor for AboutIslam.net and Al Jumuah magazine. Her work has also been featured on CNN and Washington Post, among other publications. Visit her blog, islamwich, where she discusses the intersection of culture and religion.

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