Help! My Parents Are Forcing Me to Marry
Home > Ask About Islam > Status of Women > Help! My Parents Are Forcing Me to Marry

Help! My Parents Are Forcing Me to Marry

Questioner

A

Reply Date

Jan 20, 2017

Question

Salam, My parents have forced me to marry someone I don't like. I have talked about it to them, but they have not listened to me and are forcing me to marry him. I have no feelings toward him. They keep talking about family respect, and all that. Please advise me on what to do. I can't live with him. He uses drugs and drinks. PLEASE HELP ME!! How can I convince my parents to not put me in hell. Jazak Allah.

Consultant

Answer


Asalamu Alaikum Dear Sister,

Thank you for contacting About Islam with your question.

My heart goes out to you. Muslim parents should never force a son or daughter into a marriage that they do not readily consent to, or feel fully inclined towards. Islam forbids this. 

Be Patient and Up Your Prayers

The first and most important thing that you need to do, is to increase in nafl (extra) prayers, duas, and perhaps a little charity on a daily basis, until Allah grants you relief. 

Wake up an hour before Fajr prayer and offer two or four units of salah (prayer), then cry your heart out before Allah. Beg him to ease your distress, grant you relief, and show you a way out from this dilemma.

Ask Him to give you a loving marital life with a righteous spouse whom you love and who loves you.

Perhaps there is a great reward, both worldly and in the Akhirah (the hereafter), waiting for you at the end of this trial.

Perhaps by making you endure this trial, Allah will grant you something much better than you ever expected or dreamed of, as compensation.

So practice immense patience, by forcing yourself to remain polite, cordial, and respectful towards your parents, no matter what they do or how they treat you. And offer nafl prayers every single night. 

Cry it out before Allah instead of turning towards your friends or other people first, hoping that they will listen to your complaints. Allah listens better and much more closely than any human being ever can.

And He is the only One Who exclusively holds the reins of your fate and destiny, and controls what happens to you in the future. 

Find an Arbitrator to Intercede For You

Next, you should try to convey your foreboding feelings of dread about this proposal clearly to someone in your family who is close to your parents, and who can talk to them about it. 

That is, try to find someone to intercede on your behalf, someone who you trust not to divulge your personal problems to the whole world, nor make a scandal or gossip out of this issue. 

Find someone trustworthy, righteous, and Allah-fearing, who will sincerely try to intercede on your behalf and let your parents know clearly about your feeling regarding this marriage proposal and the Islamic guidelines that give you the right to say who you marry and don’t marry.

Perhaps this person could be a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, or an older sibling. Perhaps it could be an older female cousin who is herself married and hence, stands a good chance to see both sides of the picture.

Communicate Openly & Clearly

Talk to your parents yourself, but you will have to do it in a mature, calm, and matter-of-fact manner, in order to make them listen to you and give weight to your voice in this whole situation.

Whilst talking to them, you should avoid crying, complaining, hurling accusations, or engaging in any kind of disrespectful and emotional behavior that will undermine what you have to say. 

There is nothing wrong with a Muslim daughter clearly communicating her must-have’s or prerequisites for a prospective marriage suitor by saying to her parents, “I will not marry someone who drinks and does drugs, no matter how many other positive qualities he has”.

If your parents continue to force you to marry him, you can even say, “I refuse to marry him, and I will never say yes”.

However, you have to say all of this in a polite and muted tone, without being even slightly rude or disrespectful. Do not raise your voice or use angry and abusive language with your parents.

Lastly, write them a letter, using the most decent language and a loving, respectful tone whilst writing it. 

I am speaking from experience. Sometimes, writing one’s parents a letter works better than verbal, face-to-face communication, because it allows the parents time to read and re-read their child’s candid, true feelings, and thoughts about an issue without engaging in a verbal back-and-forth.

I ask Allah to grant you ease and quick relief from this distressing situation, and decree what is best for your worldly life and your AkhirahAmeen.

I hope this helps address your concerns.

Walaikum Asalam and please keep in touch.

Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links:

He Doesn’t Want to Marry Me, But Parents Force Him

Parent-Child Conflict Over Choosing A Spouse

Why So Many Unfair Marriage Practices?

Mom! I’m Free to Choose My Husband 

When Parents Force Their Child into Marriage




About Sadaf Farooqi

Sadaf Farooqi is an author, blogger and freelance writer based in Karachi, Pakistan. To date, Sadaf has authored over 300 original articles, most of which can be accessed on her blog, "Sadaf's Space" (sadaffarooqi.wordpress.com). She has recently started self-publishing her past articles as non-fiction Islamic books, which are available on Amazon and Kindle (www.amazon.com/author/sadaffarooqi)


find out more!