Short Answer: Having periods of low faith doesn’t automatically make one a bad person or destined for Hell. Fluctuations in one’s personal faith is very normal. Our earthly life is intended to be a test for us. Allah gives us good news in the Quran that even though we may sin, Allah will always forgive us as long as we sincerely repent. Finally, marriage counseling with both you and your husband can be a way for you both to talk about your issues and come up with solutions with the aid of a professional.
Salaam alaikum my sister, and thank you for your question.
First, I want to express my condolences on the death of your child.
May Allah grant you strength, comfort, and peace of mind in knowing that, according to a hadith of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), all children who have died are in Paradise under the care of Prophet Ibrahim (Sahih Bukhari, 7047).
May you have a joyful permanent reunion with your child in Paradise, Ameen!
Changes in Iman
I also want to reassure you that fluctuations in one’s personal iman (faith) is very normal.
Humans are imperfect, complex creatures, so it is natural that sometimes our iman may feel wonderfully strong, while other times it is heartbreakingly low.
Having periods of low iman doesn’t automatically make one a bad person or destined for Hell.
Iman is something that needs to be nurtured and worked on throughout one’s life.
Like anything else in life, there will be setbacks, but what matters is that we keep pushing forward and strive to do the best that we can.
Tests from Allah
Allah says numerous times in the Quran that our earthly life is intended to be a test for us.
“Do people think they will be left alone after saying ‘We believe’ without being put to the test?” (29:2)
Here, Allah is saying that simply proclaiming that one believes in Allah and Islam is important, but actions speak louder than words.
If we truly believe in these words, we must be willing to both act on them (by following Allah’s Guidance) and maintain our beliefs even when things get difficult.
Allah says elsewhere in the Quran:
“We will certainly test you with a touch of fear and hunger and loss of property, life, and crops. Give good news to those who patiently endure—those who say, when afflicted with a calamity, ‘We belong to Allah and to Allah we shall return.’ They are the ones who will receive Allah’s blessings and mercy, and it is they who are guided.” (2:155-157)
Hardships are inevitable in this life, but Allah promises that if we remain steadfast and continue to believe in Allah’s Kindness and Power over everything, Allah will reward us with blessings, mercy, and goodness.
One’s own perspective can influence how hardships in life are viewed.
If these tests and trials are seen as purely negative, they can feel like a punishment.
However, if one keeps in mind that trials are a guaranteed part of life and does their best to handle hard times with perseverance, strength, and faith in Allah, they become a learning experience and a way to get closer to Allah, both precious rewards in this life and in the Hereafter!
Allah Forgives Again and Again
The verse you were referring to about Allah not forgiving someone after disbelieving is Chapter 3 Verses 90-91:
“Indeed, those who disbelieve after having believed then increase in disbelief, their repentance will never be accepted. It is they who are astray. Indeed, if each of those who disbelieve then die as disbelievers were to offer a ransom of enough gold to fill the whole world, it would never be accepted from them. It is they who will suffer a painful punishment, and they will have no helpers.” (3:90-91)
This reference to Allah not forgiving them is in the situation where the person dies while disbelieving in the Oneness of Allah, not someone who has repented before death.
Allah gives us good news in the Quran that even though we may sin, Allah will always forgive us as long as we sincerely repent.
As you pointed out, one of Allah’s Names is Al-Ghaffar, meaning “the One who forgives again and again”.
Allah does not only give us one chance to fix our mistakes; Allah will keep forgiving us until our time in this life is up!
There is a beautiful hadith qudsi (a hadith that the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, narrated from Allah) that assures us of this.
The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said,
“Allah Almighty said: ‘O child of Adam, if you call upon me and place your hope in me, I will forgive you without hesitation. O child of Adam, if you have sins piling up to the clouds and then ask for my forgiveness, I will forgive you without hesitation. O child of Adam, if you come to me with enough sins to fill the earth and then you meet me without associating anything with me (in worship), I will come to you with enough forgiveness to fill the earth.’” (Al-Tirmidhi)
As long as we are alive, Allah will grant us forgiveness for our shortcomings, regardless of how big or serious they are, with the proper repentance.
Allah says in the Quran,
“Say, ‘O My servants who have exceeded the limits against their souls! Do not lose hope in Allah’s mercy, for Allah certainly forgives all sins. Allah is indeed the All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.’” (39:53)
Since you are going through so much right now, I believe that it would be good for you to get counseling to help you through these struggles.
Marriage counseling with both you and your husband can be a way for you both to talk about your issues and come up with solutions with the aid of a professional.
Grief counseling may also be beneficial for you and your husband due to the death of your child.
Maintaining good mental health is essential for one’s well-being, including spiritual well-being.
Insha’Allah, with the help of counseling, you will find it easier to focus on your relationship with Allah.
I pray that Allah makes everything easy for you and grants you the best in this life and the Hereafter, Ameen!
I hope this helps.
Salam. Please stay in touch.
Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links: