Answer
Asalamu Alaikum,
Thank you very much for writing to us. I hope this finds you in the best of states, experiencing Allah’s blessing in full.
To begin with, I would like to share with you my humble opinion that the first, most essential, functional, and practical thing — in relation to helping your friend — is prayers and supplication (dua).
Al-Bukhari reported that the Prophet (peace be upon him-PBUH) said that dua is the essence of worshiping. Thus, it is the best reliance, not only when it comes to our relation with Allah, but also in helping others.
I strongly believe that you should start by making some sincere and concentrated supplications for your friend, and even ask all the pious and insightful worshipers and scholars of religion you know to make dua too.
I will also be praying for him, intensely.
As for the issue of your friend not wanting to give up having sexual relations after he becomes a Muslim, I believe it is altogether a less significant matter than becoming a Muslim for many reasons.
First, there is a reason why the ultimate transgression in Islam is related to dogmas, not to actual verbal and physical sins.
Not to believe in Allah, and not to believe in truth when it has made itself manifest, is far more grave a sin to commit than all other types of sins possible; for the spiritual damage resulting from them are far more detrimental than any other.
What all of this leads to is simply that his not giving up that misdeed, grave as it may be, doesn’t come near to a cardinal matter like “believing in Allah”, or Islam for that matter.
They are two matters that belong to two different planes. I consulted a friend, who is experienced with such matters, about your question. He was quick to make the point that “the all-or-nothing attitude should be altogether abandoned”.
For one who has chosen to disbelieve, there is no hope. For someone who believes, a sin, whether grave one or not, could be immersed in an ocean of endless Divine Mercy.
There are the 99 shares of Allah’s mercy that await us, only one share of which colors the entire universe.
There are many hadiths (Prophetic Traditions) related to how the Prophet was lenient with new Muslims who could not give up their “old habits”.
As long as there is no intended persistence in sinning, or disbelief associated with the sinfulness —a matter that the Shariah (Islamic Law) deems corrupt without ambiguity— then in sha’ Allah things will work out.
What would be of great benefit to your friend is to understand that — whether in relation to Islam or any encounter —although it is easy to define a fixed self (“I am this because I do that”)—it is dangerous.
How many times do we find ourselves changing our views and daily lives, believing and doing things that we once believed to be impossible?
Maybe he never thought he would be in the midst of an unexpected situation like having to choose between believing in a new religion or continuing with sexual practices.
How can he affirm that after a while the light of divine love will not change his attitude to this sin all together?
The more strictly we view ourselves, the easier we break.
This is why the essence of Islam is complete and peaceful submission, free-falling into trust and love of Allah, the Merciful, on all the levels: Islam (peaceful submission), iman (belief and faith), and ihsan (correctness and good deeds).
Once the elation of divine love of Allah, the euphoria and contentment of faith, admiration for the Prophet, and the desire to emulate his model all come to his life; let’s see then what the waves of all these realities will leave on the shore.
This is not — by any means— an invitation to sin. An axiom that governs our spiritual and moral reality that should illuminate our insights from the Prophet’s example is his saying:
By Allah, I am the most knowledgeable of Allah amongst you; still, I am the most fearing of Him. (Al-Bukhari)
A pious Muslim once explained that sins should not be looked at with regards to the level sinfulness; rather with regards to the One Who is disobeyed.
Once your friend gains some experiential knowledge of Allah, he will — naturally — repent and change, in sha’ Allah.
Also, not only will he have all his sins forgiven, he will also enjoy the pleasure of Allah, which descends upon His repenting and loving worshipers.
I hope this answer helps you out. If you have any other question, please do not hesitate to contact us again. Thank you and keep in touch.
Salam.
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