Answer
Salam Brother,
Thank you for sending in your question to our website.
First of all, I would like to congratulate you on your conversion to Islam at such a young age!
May Allah grant you high ranks of faith and righteous actions, and keep you steadfast upon Islam till your last breath. Ameen.
You are still very young, and clearly, not yet legally emancipated from your guardians/caregivers. Therefore, you should tread with caution, discretion, and politeness.
As best as you can, do not give in to their demands of eating pork or going to the church. If they hide pork in your food, then this is not your sin because actions are by intentions. All you can do is your best. If they physically force you to go to church, know that Allah is with the oppressed, and will never punish someone for something they were forced to do against their own will.
Do the best you can to adhere Islams guidance, and part of that means having a polite, non-confrontational, smiling demeanor especially with those who are closest to you.
Given that your close family members, who do so much for you, will probably get very hurt and offended by your refusal to go to church or to eat pork, — this indeed poses a daunting challenge.
This challenge is faced by most young converts to Islam in the West like yourself, who hail from Christian families. This is especially true during the first few years that follow conversion. So, do not feel as if you are alone in your concerns.
With time, as the truth and reality of your conversion sinks in, your family will adjust to and accept the restrictions of Islam that you are observing. Even if they will still dislike it, there is nothing much they will be able to do about it, as you grow older and more independent.
They will hopefully realize that your refusal to attend church and consume pork/alcohol is not as much about your rejection of them and their practices/customs out of hate, disdain, or spite; but rather, it is more about your personal relationship with Allah and unquestioning submission to His commands, based on your new beliefs.
Your steadfastness will show to them that you have permanently changed. However, by no means will this be an easy transition.
During this transition, try to be extra good to your family in all halal ways possible, in order to compensate for the hurt they will feel when you refuse to go to church and eat pork. Help out with more chores around the house.
Run their errands for them, especially for your mother. Be quiet and polite if and when they shout at you or mistreat you. Make them a halal dinner. Do whatever is permissible in Islam to serve them and make them happy.
Pretty soon, your sincere intentions and efforts will bear fruit, by the will of Allah, and you will see a change in your family’s attitude towards your observance of Islam.
It might take time, maybe even a few years, and a tremendous amount of patience, but the results will surely be positive and permanent, insha’Allah!
I would advise you to gain as much knowledge of Islam as you can for the next few years. Ensure that you study a little bit of Quran every single day.
Attend Jumuah or weekly Friday congregational prayers if you can, and join an online or in-person class for new Muslim converts. Try to befriend, in person or online, new Muslims like yourself.
Just knowing that there are other people out there, in your position, experiencing the same feelings and situations as you, is a great source of solace and reassurance for a new Muslim in today’s digitally-connected world.
I hope this answers your question, brother. Please stay in touch.
Salam.
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