Finding Love or Finding God or Both? Part 1 | About Islam
Home > Ask About Islam > Finding Love or Finding God or Both? Part 1

Finding Love or Finding God or Both? Part 1

Questioner

J

Reply Date

Jun 15, 2017

Question

Hello, and thank you for your time. I'm currently dating a Muslim girl from Indonesia, whom in the beginning was open about her religion but said it "wasn't too important to her". Now that we're beginning to get serious, however, the thought of co-habitation and possible marriage arises. The problem is that her "version" of Islam (no disrespect; I hope you understand what I mean) requires me to convert for marriage, and otherwise we don't have a future. While I find a lot of aspects of Islam attractive, I just cannot convert in good conscience because I do not believe in a divine entity or divine messengers (I'm agnostic by choice). My conversion would, thus, be disrespectful to the faith and a lie to my partner. I understand that some forms of Islam are very strict about needing the partner to be Muslim, and some aren't, but... well, I just don't know. I love her, I'd like to have a future with her and she's completely free to practice her religion in our household and I'll support that as much as I can, it's important to her and I will never force her to betray that part of her, but conversion is just not an option for me. We both struggle with this fact considering our feelings have developed greatly and we're almost ready for that next step. How can we overcome these difficulties? Once again, thank you for your time. I'm happy an information resource like this exists, it's just too bad not more non-Muslims take the time to actually research what Islam is and means for the many believers around the world.

Consultant

Answer


Finding Love

Salam (Peace) Brother,

We want to thank you so much for approaching us, and for your effort and desire to seek more knowledge and understanding.

Your last sentence was just brilliant. You are exactly right. We do wish, as you mentioned, that more people would take the time to research what Islam means as a message to humanity and what it means for those who believe.

I hope words could help us give you even a glimpse of what goes on in the mind and heart of a believer who is connected with his/her Creator. There’s an incredible amount of knowledge, love, passion, a deep connection, and a unique bond.

How one can encapsulate all of that in brief words is just a bit challenging. But let’s try.

There are a few aspects that need to be clarified in your perception of the situation. First, you said that you don’t mind your partner “practicing her religion in your household”.

By saying that, note that you have already separated yourself from her. You have distanced yourself and created a barrier between the two of you.

You see, faith is a language and a deep bond between human beings. Those who’re connected through their love for their Creator, their gratitude towards Him, their desire for His Closeness, their pursuit of His Knowledge.

All of this creates common ground between the partners. It’s as if they establishing an eternal bond that connects them with their eternal Creator, and they hope and pray to remain connected and in love for eternity in the afterlife.

This is what is meant to go on between two believing partners. When we pray for partners, we actually pray for someone who could help us get closer to our Creator, help us learn more about Him, fall more in love with Him and be persistent in our journey towards Him.

Marriage itself as described by the Creator is a spiritual journey. It is a journey of intellectual, emotional, spiritual and physical connection, and growth.

This is not merely some sort of a ritual practiced throughout the day.

This is a way of life, an understanding of life, its purpose, its beginning, its end and destination. This is not simply a part of life. This IS life!

The way you said “she’s free to practice ‘her’ religion,” and “that part of her”, in a way- unknowingly- you’re already detaching yourself from her.

However, the bond between the two partners is beautifully described in the Qur’an by Allah Almighty as:

{They are your garment and you are their garment} and {They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them}, meaning they’re so close to you, they cover you they fulfill your every need and you fulfill them.

Your rejection to share this with your partner is already a major deprivation and a lack of covering of major needs. You cannot cover her spiritual needs and share her love and passion and the fuel that keeps her going through this life, as deeply as described in Islam.

Allah has described marriage in His words in the Qur’an saying

{And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought} (Qur’an 30: 21)

A sign leads to a destination, in a way. He said this relationship is one of His signs.

How can marriage lead to Him? Well, when we experience mercy, we are reminded that Allah’s name/attribute is The Most Merciful, The Source of Mercy. Any mercy we experience is merely a fraction of His Unlimited Mercy. And that is worthy of love and longing for Him.

When we experience deep love (wud in Arabic), we remember that His name is Al Wadud, The Source of Ultimate Love. There are so many experiences we go through and they are a reflection of His presence and His connection. And when we love our partners, we also fall deeply in love and are grateful to The One Who created them.

Again, this religion is a path. A path leads to a destination. The destination is Allah. If you’re not sharing the same destination, how can you be on the same journey?

You will say, as an agnostic, you do not believe that God exists.

Alright.

How do we know that YOU exist?

Please continue reading Part 2 and Part 3.

This response is from About Islam’s archive and was originally published at an earlier date.

Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links:

Love: A Necessity of Faith

A Basic Introduction to Islam (Special Folder)

Impossible Love?




About Dina Mohamed Basiony

Dina Mohamed Basiony is a writer based in Cairo, Egypt. She is the Spirituality Editor at Productivemuslim.com. She holds a BA and MA in Journalism and Mass Communication from the American University in Cairo.

find out more!