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Divorce: God’s Will or A Result of Our Own Actions?

Questioner

Samrah

Reply Date

Oct 16, 2017

Question

I'm looking for an answer, maybe to calm my soul, to put an end to the "ifs" and "buts" in my mind, but I fail to understand life. Is divorce Allah's will or is it a result of our own actions? Is it a part of qadr or is it a decision a person takes himself? Do we have a choice in the decisions we make or is it already all predestined? Or is it that we are given options and we choose things for ourselves and then our fate unfolds in that direction? I'm lost and broken beyond repair, I'm searching for answers but cant find any, maybe somebody with more knowledge and insight can help me find what I'm looking for 😢

Consultant

Answer


divorce Gods will

Short Answer: Divorce is a result of our free will as human beings. We choose to leave our spouses or they choose to leave us for their own reasons. Although Allah knew before you were even born that you would marry this person and divorce them, too, it cannot be said that he made the divorce happen: pre-knowledge is not the same thing as pre-destination. When our spouse leaves us, we must ask ourselves what part, if any, we had in the failure of the marriage. But, if they abused us in any way, it’s not our fault, no matter what, and we must trust in Allah to heal us from the damage of that failed marriage.


As-salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

First of all, allow me to express my sympathies to you for what is clearly an emotionally trying time.

It seems that your heart is hurting very badly and I pray that Allah grants you ease and peace of mind soon.

Your question is a very good one, and complex, too.

The question of predestination vs. free will is one that has been discussed by many religious philosophers.

Our Death is Predestined, Regardless of Our Choices

We, as Muslims, know that some things are decided for us from birth, such as the time of our death.

We know that our moment of death is predetermined by Allah, from the verse in the Quran:

No soul will ever die unless it is Allah’s will. The length of each life is predetermined according to the Scriptures… (Qur’an 3:145)

This is a firm indication of qadr, or predestination.

However, this verse follows shortly after the above:

They speak out saying, “If we had any say in this affair then none of us would have been killed here.” Say: If you had stayed at home, those of you who were destined to be killed would have died regardless. This has taken place so that Allah might test your faith and see what is in your hearts. Allah knows the deepest secrets of every heart. (Quran 3:154)

This verse juxtaposes our predestination of certain things – in this case, the moment of our death – with our free choice in others.

We have no choice in the timing of our death, but we are making active choices in other areas of life.

Pre-knowledge vs. Pre-destination

The Islamic idea of free will is also corroborated by the existence of angels.

Jinns and humans were created with free will and the ability to choose whether or not to obey Allah. Angels submit solely to Allah’s Will.

If human beings had no free will, it would imply that we would be as angels are, in constant submission to Allah.

So how do we reconcile the existence of free will with the knowledge that some things have been decided for us?

Do we really have free will if some things in our life are decided?

Think of it this way: Whether something is decided for us or not, Allah knows what will happen.

He knows every nuance in our personalities. Allah is al-’Aleem, and He is closer to us than our jugular vein. He knows every choice we will make.

He might not decide everything for us in advance, but we are His creations.

Therefore, He knows all the choices we will make, as well as the paths we will take when we encounter difficult decisions.

Is Divorce Predestined?

To my knowledge, there is no evidence that divorce is one of the things that Allah has predetermined for us.

He surely knows who among us will go through it, but it is a result of choices made along the road.

However, remember this: your choices do not exist in a vacuum. Your spouse’s choices have a direct impact on your life.

Frequently, divorce results due to the action (or inaction) of both parties in a marriage.

Abuse is NEVER Your Fault

However, if you have been abused (emotionally, financially, physically, sexually – these are all real forms of abuse!) or cheated on, you bear no responsibility for the actions of your spouse.

If your spouse, or ex-spouse, has hurt you that is not your fault.

Do not listen to those who say your husband would not hit you if you didn’t talk back, or your husband wouldn’t cheat on you if you dressed up nicer or slept with him more often.

A person is only ever responsible for his or her own actions, not the wrong reactions of others.

I hope this answers your question, and may Allah ease your heart.

Salaam


Read more…

If Fate is Predetermined Then Where is Our Freewill?

A Muslim Woman Shares Her Experience after Divorce

Fate: Our Choice or Allah’s?

Marriage: Predestined or To Be Sought?

 




About Leah Darland Hanoosh

Leah is a Muslim convert of almost a decade. She has two kids, an intercultural marriage, and half of a French degree in her back pocket, looking to switch gears to science and medicine. She has lived abroad for over a decade, having just recently become reacquainted with her roots in America. She currently lives in Michigan near her family and – masha’Allah – a sizeable Muslim community.

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