Salam (Peace) Dear Sister,
Thank you so much for asking this question that many of our brothers and sisters out there also have to deal with.
Coping with death and dealing with grieving is indeed a test of faith, but our religion does not leave us without guidance and consolation in this regard.
I remembered in this occasion what our blessed Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings upon him) did and said upon losing his own beloved little son Ibrahim.
Anas (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) came to his son Ibrahim (May Allah be pleased with him) when he was breathing his last. The eyes of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) began shedding tears. ‘Abdur-Rahman bin ‘Auf (May Allah be pleased with him) said, “O Messenger of Allah, you too weep?” He (peace be upon him) said, “O Ibn ‘Auf! It is mercy.” Then he began to weep and said, “The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, and we will not say except what pleases our Lord. O Ibrahim! Indeed we are grieved by your departure.” [Al-Bukhari]
So, definitely take time to grieve because this is a powerful human emotion and it is a sign of mercy and compassion.
At the same time, we need to remember the enormous reward that awaits those who patiently accept the decree of Allah in regards to losing their children.
Abu Musa Al-Ash’ari (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:
“When a slave’s child dies, Allah the Most High asks His angels, ‘Have you taken out the life of the child of My slave?” They reply in the affirmative. He then asks, ‘Have you taken the fruit of his heart?’ They reply in the affirmative. Thereupon he asks, ‘What has My slave said?’ They say: ‘He has praised You and said: Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji’un (We belong to Allah and to Him we shall be returned). Allah says: ‘Build a house for My slave in Jannah and name it as Bait-ul-Hamd (the House of Praise).”‘ [At-Tirmidhi].
So, beloved sister, accepting the decree of Allah Almighty with praise and patience is something that is worth an eternal house in paradise. In this house you will be united with everyone you love for eternity.
Allah Almighty doesn’t take anything for Himself. If He granted you a righteous son, then this is an eternal reward. It doesn’t end with the end of this moral life. You get reunited after this life and you enjoy each other’s company for eternity.
So deepen your faith in Allah, thank Him for having granted you a righteous son in the first place and that this will be a means for you to reunite with this son for eternity in Paradise.
And remember that Allah Almighty brought us here to teach us and to test us and to help us grow as human beings. Everything Allah Almighty does have a meaning and wisdom and is a manifestation of His mercy.
We get reminded of this message every Friday when we read Surat Al Kahf (chapter 18) of the Quran. Allah told us the story of Prophet Moses and the man who Allah sent to teach him some lessons.
This man ended up taking the soul of a righteous couple’s child. While this seemed devastating, the man revealed to Moses (peace be upon him) that this was a mercy from Allah to both the child and his parents.
“And as for the boy, his parents were believers, and we feared that he would overburden them by transgression and disbelief. So we intended that their Lord should substitute for them one better than him in purity and nearer to mercy.” (Quran 18: 80-81)
So increase your faith in Allah and His Mercy and thank Him for what He blessed you with and get ready for being reunited with your son insha’Allah in the most beautiful place in Jannah for eternity.
Right now, you can make the legacy of your son live on by making a sadaqah jariya for him (continuous charity), teach people about the good things he used to do and his righteousness so that they would get inspired and follow in his footsteps.
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:
“When a man dies, his deeds come to an end except for three things: Sadaqah Jariyah (ceaseless charity); a knowledge which is beneficial, or a virtuous descendant who prays for him (for the deceased).” [Muslim]
So aim to do the ceaseless charity and spreading beneficial knowledge on his behalf.
Also, work on deepening your own relationship with The One who created your son. Yes, you love your son. But, this son is only a creation of Allah; any goodness in Him is a blessing from Allah to you. Allah is The One who created Him for you. So, one ought to be utterly grateful and full of love and admiration for Allah Himself.
Don’t let the blessing take you away from loving, thanking and primarily committing to The One who created the blessing for you.
Now is the time to get closer to Allah Almighty and know His Names and Attributes and deepen your relationship with Him and have absolute tawheed (pure unconditional faith in Him). This is our purpose in life essentially and what we were created to do.
May Allah bless you and help you and protect you and reunite you with your beloved son for eternity in a beautiful Paradise near Him. Ameen.
I hope this helps.
Salam and please keep in touch.