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How Can I Get Rid of Fears and Doubts?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Feb 28, 2017

Question

I am an orphan who has lived a very luxurious life with my mother (who adopted me). She passed away back on 2002, and ever since I am lost. There is no one to seek advice from. I am married and have 2 kids. I am a very lousy mother. I don’t know what to do with my own children. My knowledge of motherhood doesn’t pass the fear on them, feed, and clothe them. My relation with my husband isn’t good either. He is full of doubts (doesn’t trust me) and he doesn’t pray. I don’t pray either. No matter how brilliant things can be, there is something missing. I often get into trouble and I run to Allah seeking His help which He offers most of the time, but once my prayers are answered I stray all over again. Since March I have been literally mad at Allah. I was doing something wrong yet it wasn’t that bad and it was giving me comfort in a way. I was happy, really happy, but Allah took that from me all of a sudden in the most peaceful way ever. I got mad and I stopped praying! Not like I mean to but it just happened. Ever since when I force myself to pray it’s not like how it used to be even though I wasn’t performing regular prayers. I felt a halo, as if He hears me, but He is not convinced because me myself, I am not convinced. This is how I pray to him. And what’s worse is that I lost the need to ask Him anything (Duaa). I know I need Him and I am very thankful to Him, yet I can’t have the honest old feeling when I force myself to pray. Last week I begged him to rescue me from my husband’s anger and surprisingly my husband was cool. It took me only from noon to the after noon (Asr) prayer to get this wish and here I am full of doubts. I even do what my husband asks me to, more than I obey Allah!!! What kind of a person am I!? Which leads me to another thought, that I am seeking a human satisfaction more than I seek Allah’s! That means one day it will fire back at me and I will lose my husband too, because Allah’s satisfaction is what makes people around me satisfied. My biggest fear is to stray, and dear God that’s the last thing I want to do. Yet I see me going there. I am losing my religion due to life pressure and my very low determination. In one second, I want to wear Hijab forever the next I tell myself: boy am lucky I didn’t tell anyone about it because it’s impossible for me to be straight at anything. I am so attached to the Western way of dealing with problems which is difficult to practice here in the East. I feel like am not happy on earth and for sure I won’t be allowed to go to heaven cause I lack the smallest details to be one of the lucky ones. I don’t pray: I don’t perform fasting as I should: I don’t give away money as I should: I don’t do what a real Muslim would do. But I love Allah so much I really do and I do want to obey Him, but I keep on pulling back. Most of the time, I feel shy to look up at the sky. He would see an ungrateful soul lives under His sky. Bottom line is: I know what I should do, but am not motivated enough to carry on with it even for 2 days! Please help! I am helpless and hapless here. I guess I shouldn’t ask you this but should've asked Allah, right? Who knows! Thank you for your time reading this disturbing message.

Consultant

Answer


How Can I Get Rid of Fears and Doubts

Asalamu Alaikum Sister,

Thank you for contacting About Islam with your question.

Your question is not so strange; we get many questions from brothers or sisters like you who feel that their iman (faith) is not perfect.

And they feel as if they are not good Muslims due to their lack of motivation, mixed emotions, and lack of consistency in their practice of Islam.

One thing I find common among all these people, including yourself, is that they seem to think that as Muslims we should never have doubts, we should never have difficulties in practicing Islam, we should never have moments where we feel less than perfect, etc.

Actually, at least in my humble opinion and from what I have learned, this is unrealistic. Iman has its ups and downs. Life is a realm of testing and without a doubt, we will have our ups and downs and our moments of weakness. What’s most important is what is called istiqama, or straightforwardness, and it requires effort and work.

We can’t always be perfect and Allah knows that, and doesn’t expect us to be. That’s why He created things like taubah (repentance), so that when we do make mistakes we can correct them by turning back to Him whenever necessary.

The key is to remember Allah as much as possible, and to surrender – even in those moments of weakness and doubt, to carry on with what Allah asks of us. That is why, sister, you need to work on your consistency regarding your prayers and whatever else Allah is asking of us.

You say you love Allah, well then prove it. At least do what you are asked to do and prove your love. Insha-Allah, then we will see things improve as long as we are patient.

But we need to continue to keep increasing our knowledge, being around positive people and remembering Allah in whatever we do.

Also, let’s keep our egos in check and not allow ourselves to reverse the true order of things — Allah created us, not the other way around; we live for Him, not the other way around; we need Him every moment of every day, not the other way around.

He always wants and wills goodness for us and it is for us to surrender to that, even if our nafs or ego doesn’t like it. It’s called realization, and we must constantly be trying to get ourselves in alignment with His Will through surrender.

Allah always knows best even if we can’t see it or understand it at any particular moment. That’s the true nature of yaqin (certainty in faith), and it is only given to us through patient perseverance.

Finally, Allah says in His book:

{Say: “O My servants who have transgressed against themselves (by committing sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: verily, Allah forgives all sins. Truly He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.} (Az-Zumar 39:53)

Remember to constantly ask Allah’s forgiveness and repent to Him, He is the only one who may forgive your sins, increase your faith, and bring back your motivation to practice His religion properly.

Please do not give up—keep on trying; the one who falls and stays down who despairs Allah’s Mercy. And it is the one who stands back-up; the one who has taken the initiative to get closer to Allah, is the one who will be successful.

I have provided you with a more general answer to your question(s). Please feel free to follow up with us if you have further/more specific things you’d like us to respond to, as you posed many questions in your initial post and I’m not sure I answered them all. And Allah knows best.

Salam and please keep in touch.

Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links:

How to Grow in Spirituality (Exclusive Video)

4 Keys for Healthy Spirituality

How to Boost Our Trust in God

6 Things Repentance Brings to You




About Dr. Abd. Lateef Krauss Abdullah

Dr. Abd. Lateef Krauss Abdullah is a Research Fellow at the Institute for Social Science Study’s Community Education and Youth Studies Laboratory, Universiti Putra Malaysia. He received his B.A. from the University of Delaware (U.S.), his M.S. from Columbia University (U.S.) and his PhD from the Institute for Community & Peace Studies (PEKKA), Universiti Putra Malaysia in 2005 in the field of Youth Studies. Abd. Lateef is an American who has been living in Malaysia since 2001. He is married and has 2 children.

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