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A Pillar To Lean On

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Apr 19, 2019

Question

Asalamu alaykom , i have a very close friend of mine , we have been very close for the past 3 years . However she has lost her deen completely , no praying , no listening or reading the quran , doesn't respect her father that much. She always tells me , " i wake up in the morning so motivated to change and pray , but as soon as i finish work that motivation is gone " she will get up and make wudu to pray fajr then would stand and completely not pray. She gets really emotional speaking about her grandmother , she cries to me telling me i want her to see my grandchildren at least my first child. I told her before i started praying i found something to pray for and since then iv'e never stopped. I told her maybe this is your reason to start praying , pray for you tayta (grandmother) speak to Allah and ask him what you want. She tries but its hard for her i cant see her much because im not allowed out but i'm her only religious friend , everyone in her life is corrupt. What can i do to help her start getting back on deen ? Should i call her everyday for salah and pray with her while she is on the phone , fast with her so she's not alone ? Get her closer to her father. Wallah i don't know i need help because i will hate myself if she dies on this path.

Consultant

Answer


Pillar

Short Answer: Allah has chosen you to be by her side in this difficult time of her life. You need to be a strong pillar for her where she can find reassurance. It is a great idea to video call her so that both of you can pray together. You can also share with her clips of recitation. Try to find ways to help her connect with the deen, but do it in a tactful way, and don’t be pushy.  You will have to be persistent with your advice to her and at the same time you will have to be patient with her. It may take her some time to get back to her old self. Constantly, remind her of the good that is in-store for the believers, jannah, luxuries,etc. If she is having difficulty with her parents remind her of the sacrifices all parents have to make to raise their children. You should definitely help her mend her relationship with her father. Remind her in a gentle manner how important it is to keep the ties of kinship strong especially with one’s immediate family. You need to be open, understanding, and encouraging towards her. You will also need plenty of patience as it will help you direct her towards the right path.

………….

We all need a strong shoulder to cry on from time to time. If you can be the shoulder for someone and the light that leads a person through a dark tunnel, then definitely, Allah has chosen you to help that person.

Walaikumassalam. Jazakallah khair for approaching us with your concern.

May Allah reward you for all your intentions and hard work. Allah has chosen you to guide someone towards practicing the faith. It is a great blessing as well as a tremendous responsibility.

Life is a Test

Allah has always tested the believers through trials and tribulations. If you go back in history and read about the early generations of Muslims, you will find each and every one of them has gone through some kind of a hardship. In the end the ones who were firm on belief came out victorious, as they gained the pleasure of Allah. Allah says in the Quran,

“Or you think that you will enter Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted with severe poverty, ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger and those who had faith with him said, ‘When will the Help of Allah come?’ Yes! Indeed Allah’s help is close!” [Quran 2:214]

Staying Resilient

What does it mean to stay resilient?  Resilience is the ability to be buoyant. Which means that when one is hit with something in life, and the situation becomes extremely difficult to the extent that it knocks him down; then he is able to take charge of his situation and rise again. As a believer we should be in the habit of practicing buoyancy. Life will thrash you from side to side but you are the one that should take control of your soul and self.

If you are being tested in life then you shall rejoice. All of the Prophets and the righteous were tested. Take a look at what happened with Prophet Ayyub (a.s). His life was easy at first and he was grateful to Allah for it. Then he was overwhelmed with tests. One test would barely past and another was in store for him.

Did he give up? Did he stop praying to Allah? Did he lose his way? No! Despite all he went through he still had hope in Allah! That is being resilient.  What was the outcome of all his troubles and worries? He was the Victor, and not only in this life but also in the Hereafter.

Allah says referring to prophet Ayyub (as) in the Quran,

“Indeed, We found him patient, an excellent servant. Indeed, he was one repeatedly turning back [to Allah].” (Quran 38:44)

Sisterhood

Allah has chosen you to be by her side in this difficult time of her life. You need to be a strong pillar for her where she can find reassurance. It is a great idea to video call her so that both of you can pray together. You can also share with her clips of recitation.

Try to find ways to help her connect with the deen, but do it in a tactful way, and don’t be pushy.  You will have to be persistent with your advice to her and at the same time you will have to be patient with her. It may take her some time to get back to her old self. Constantly, remind her of the good that is in-store for the believers, jannah, luxuries,etc.

If she is having difficulty with her parents remind her of the sacrifices all parents have to make to raise their children. You should definitely help her mend her relationship with her father. Remind her in a gentle manner how important it is to keep the ties of kinship strong especially with one’s immediate family. You need to be open, understanding, and encouraging towards her. You will also need plenty of patience as it will help you direct her towards the right path.

Allah says in the Quran,

“And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient. Who, when disaster strikes them, say, “Indeed we belong to Allah , and indeed to Him we will return.”Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the [rightly] guided.

Allah’s Forgiveness is Vast!

Do not despair or lose hope in Allah. A believer will always find reassurance when he turns back to Allah. As reported in the following hadeeth. Abu Dharr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said,

“Allah Almighty says: Whoever comes with a good deed will have the reward of ten like it and even more. Whoever comes with an evil deed will be recompensed for one evil deed like it or he will be forgiven. Whoever draws close to me by the length of a hand, I will draw close to him by the length of an arm. Whoever draws close to me the by length of an arm, I will draw close to him by the length of a fathom. Whoever comes to me walking, I will come to him running. And whoever meets me with enough sins to fill the earth, not associating any idols with me, I will meet him with as much forgiveness.” (Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2687)

And Allah knows best.

I hope this helps.

Salam and please keep in touch.

Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links:

New Muslim Friendships; Islamic Style

My Friend Just Became a Muslim, What Should I Do to Help?

My Best Friend

 




About Umm Muadh

Umm Muadh is a student at AOU university studying Islamic studies and currently resides in Texas, USA with her husband and four beautiful children!

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